Hotel Joke

"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"   "Please wait, someone else is using it."

Accountant Joke

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Judge Joke

Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" Defendant: "Yes, it's true." Judge: "Then, why don't you just pay him back?" Defendant: "Because it wouldn't be true anymore."

Doctors Joke

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says. "Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks. "10..." says the doctor. "10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately. "10...9...8...7..."

Dentist Joke

Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.

Teacher Joke

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got? Paddy: Six. Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven? Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

Doctor Joke

Patient: I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help? Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

Drunker Joke

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"   The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.   "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."   The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"   The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

Fisher JOke

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"   "Why do you want me to throw them at you?"   "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."   "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."   "But why?"   "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."

Barber JOke

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God�s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

Drunker Joke

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."   The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."   "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."   "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."   "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer."   "Why not?"   "Because I'm too drunk to do that!"

Doctor and Lawyer JOke

A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, "Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "When they ask, I give them advice", replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill in the morning." The doctor decided to take the lawyer's advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning he took out the list, just as his secretary walked into his office and handed him a bill from the lawyer.

Mechanic Joke

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care." "Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."

Doctor Joke

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news? Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Doctor Joke

"Doctor I keep stealing things. What can I do?" "Try to resist the temptation but if you can't, get me a new television"

Boy friend Joke

Mother to daughter: "What kind of person is your new boyfriend? Is he respectable?"   "Of course he is, Mom. He's thrifty, doesn't drink or smoke, has a very nice wife and three well-behaved children."

Murderer Joke

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. "Have you any last requests? Asked the chaplain. "Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"

Doctor Joke

A man with two red ears went to his doctor. Doctor: "What happened to your ears? Man: "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." Doctor: "Oh Dear! But...what happened to your other ear?" Man: "The scoundrel called back."

Teacher Joke

TEACHER (TO ROHIT): ROHIT, WHERE IS THE HIMALAYA MOUNTAIN? ROHIT: I DON'T KNOW. TEACHER: STAND ON YOUR BENCH! ROHIT: I STILL CAN'T SEE IT!

Teacher Joke

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field" Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field Teacher : Why? Student : Ladies first.

Teacher joke

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. Jackson: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: Jackson!

Father son Joke

Son: Why does Grandpa have no hair on his head? Father: It is a sign of Intelligence. Son: Now, I know why your hair is so long.

Begger Joke

One day a man saw a beggar on the street. He went to him and said, "If you stop begging I will pay you Rs 1000 per month". In reply the beggar said "Come and beg with me and I will pay you Rs5000 per month.

Doctor Joke

Father:" Thanks a lot doctor for saving my sons life. Doctor:" It's God who has saved your life. After sometime. Doctor:" My fee??" Father:"ll send it to God through money order"!!

Applicant Joke

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?" "I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."

Accountant Joke

An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old". "Where did you get this exact information?" "I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."

Engineer Joke

What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Salesman Joke

Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%. Office Manager: That's great, I'll take two of them.