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A young soldier was making his first parachute jump.The corporal explained the procedure “You count toten and pull the first ripcord.

If the chute doesn’topen, pull the second.

That should do it.

Then, afteryou land, there’ll be a truck waiting to pick you up.”

The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary “Geronimo!”

and jumped out of the plane.

He counted toten and pulled the ripcord.

The chute failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn’t open.

As he plummeted downward, he said, “I’ll bet that goddamn truck won’t be there either!”

A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group of new troops on making a proper jump.

He told them:”When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up.

When I yell hook up,you hook up.

When you go out the door, yell ‘Geronimo!’ and wait for your shoot to open.

Got It?

Good, get in the plane.”

After a short flight he yelled “Stand UP!

Hook UP!”

and beganshoving the troops out the door.

Just after the last trooperexited, the sergeant shut the door.

Suddenly, he heard someoneknocking on the door.

He opened it to see a private flapping his arms trying to imitate a seagull.

The private looked him in the eye and asked What did you say that SOB’s name was?

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advisednew recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly100% of the recruits he advised.

Rather than asking him about this,the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones’ sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, “If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, thegovernment has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries.

But, if you don’thave a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government onlyhas to pay a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded, “which group do YOU think they are going to send into battle first?”

At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies.

One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, “Will we have to fight a World War Three?”

“Yes, comrades, looks like you will,” answers the general.

“And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?”

another officer asks.

“The likelihood is that it will be China.”

The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, “But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion.

How can we possibly win?”

“Well,” replies the general, “Think about it.

In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key.

For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time.”

“But sir,” asks the panicky officer, “Do we have enough Jews”?

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.”

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?”

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people.

One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?”

So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.”

So they laid off the night watchman.